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(TFT) I knew this guy



I knew this guy was the worst dice roller I have ever seen. Let me tell you about the others first. For comparison. Many role players who have gamed for a while are aware of dice superstitions that develope. Some players have their prefered dice. Others like to roll each dice one at a time. Some have to roll all dice at once. But this is about flagrant abuse of the dice.

For instance one guy, Gerald Henthorne (we called him Biff cause he said that's the sound a watermelon makes when it hits cement from four stories up), has his own dice he insists on using. These are the softest dice ever. Every corner is impacted and dented from use. On top of that they are made from some kind of powder blue plastic and have numbers on them instead of dots. But you can barley see the numbers. Even up close. Every time he rolls an action he says one of two things. "I hit." or "I critical." Then he scoops up the dice before anyone can check them. He never missed. The dice are so blurry that even people sitting next to him can't read them. No one is sure how even he can. One Runequest GM is so put out by this, that he starts a whispering campaign against him. Biff has a strong will and no one is able to talk him into using other dice. So the GM ask us to start spotting his dice rolls. This doesn't work cause no one can even read the things. So the GM tells him he ''has'' to use other dice. Biff responds with "but these were a gift." And he looks very hurt. I mean this isn't a little dice superstition. This guy is out and out cheating and everyone knows it. But this isn't the worst dice roller I have ever seen.

A different guy with a completely different group of gamers has this bizzare home made box that he rolls dice in. Now the GM in this game is completely different. He's more a thesbian and actor than a war gamer. He always has everyone play on the floor and pushes all the furniture out of the way. So when character interactions happen everyone can stand up and litteraly interact and act. The GM also has about fifteen different DM screens from various games. He sets them up in a simi-circle around his corner of the room. All set up they look like a double walled fortress around him. And he litteraly has to climb in and out of his GMs corner when it comes time to stand up and interact. But the GM is a brilliant actor. He can do three different accents perfectly and a dozen more very well. Male or female characters, brave or scared, he can convey a lot in his performance. when it comes to fights he returns to his corner, and all the players roll their dice on books. These books are from various game systems (we called them "twelve dollar writting pads".) But this one player can't keep his dice rolls on the book. He has to roll three or four times before all the dice stay on the book and don't wind up in the carpet landing cock-eyed. This is why the guys brother makes the wooden rolling box for him. This box is about the size of a game book with sides that are a hand span deep. Its made of big hunks of unstained wood and poorly fitted. And at one end it has a raised lopsided hood to trap the dice, even if the dice are bounced very hard. But the raised hood also acted like a DM screen. Every time he rolls no one can see his dice. Now the guy seemes to be calling his dice right because he ''misses'' as often as not. But he has a strange attachment to his wooden rolling box. He can't play without it. It's strange. If he doesn't have his wooden box he can't even act very well. I've never seen anything quite like it. But this isn't the worst dice roller I have ever seen.

Edward Ott is the worst. This guy, we called him Ward at the time, never has any trouble as a GM. He runs great campaigns, and he's an even better player. But when ever the situation gets tense for his character he gets a little nervous. When the situation is normal he rolls the dice on the table normally just like everyone else. But when things get sticky his dice rolls bounce and scatter and at least one dice always flys off the table. In very intense situations the dice are known to hit the ceiling and fly into other rooms. We try a house rule that if any dice leave the table the player has to re-roll. This doesn't work. We just wind up spending a half hour while he tries over and over to calm down. His dice rolls just keep bouncing and scattering. Finally we just start reading his dice where ever they fall. It's not like this happens very often. Only when things are looking bad for the players. Its just amazing watching all the players hold up books to sheild their faces when he makes one of these vital rolls. Then the players scatter about the house to call back what they read on the one dice they find. One time his character is armed only with a heavy crossbow. He is facing a wizard four hexes away who summons a bear engaging Ward's character. So he has one shot then he has to drop the cross bow. Ward rolls to miss the bear. The dice scatter over the table and one bounces to the floor. He successfully misses the bear. Then he collects the dice, comes back to his chair, and rolls to hit the wizard. The dice bounce all over the table and hit some books, but they all stay on the table. He gets his dice and roll the damage. The dice scatter around half the table and he does enough damage to knock the wizard out. Ward is now calm again. Wards dice rolling is like a barrometer for the seriousness of the situation. One time everyone else is either knocked down, unconcious, or dead. Ward's character is the only one left standing and there are three orcs still comming at him. These dice rolls are flying everywhere. Hitting windows, the ceiling, flying into other rooms, even bouncing off of other players. And when he is shaking them up, he looks soooo... nervous. I have never seen anything quite like it.

    David Michael Grouchy II





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