(TFT) I knew this guy

["David Michael Grouchy II" <david_michael_grouchy_ii@hotmail.com>]

    I knew this guy.  My first DM ever, Robert Miles.  He calls me up to 
brag.  'I've made a cool new campaign.  It's got twelve dungeons at least 
eight levels each.  One of them is fourty seven levels, but you're not ready 
for that.  All mapped out on graph paper.  I know where all the artifacts 
are.  Come over and make a character!'
    So I head over to his house for a solo adventure.  He has me roll some 
dice and tells me I'm a human cleric.  Then he pulls out his graph paper.  
I've never seen anything like it.  The grids are, well, tiny.  It's green 
and he says he got it from his dad who is an engeneer.  He has a contenent 
drawn with a main river going up the middle and mountains around the edges.  
Several cities and roads are marked and labeld.  And scattered in the 
mountains are red numbers.
    He points at one at the very top.  'See this one?  This is the dungeon 
with fourty seven levels.  Anyone who even tries to open the door to this 
dungeon dies, no saving throw.'
    At this point I'm looking at him sideways.  'I guess you'd have to 
teleport around the door then.'  Robert immediately pulls the map back and 
slips it in his folder.
    'That wouldn't work.  It's protected against magic.'  And he starts in 
on the adventure.  I'm working for a temple in town.  The high preist wants 
me to go see <so-and-so>.  (I call him <so-and-so> because I can't remember 
the name Robert told me.)  I'm to go pick up something important from him 
and bring it back to the temple.  at this point Robert's eyes light up... 
'Or all will be lost.'
    'O.K.' I say 'I go.'
    Robert asks me 'Which way do you go?  North, south, east, or west.'
    'Ummm, you mean I don't know?  Uh, I go to where ever that guy is.'
    'Where ever WHAT guy is.'
    'Ummm the guy I'm supposed to see.'  I realize this isn't going to 
work.  'Heck, I go ask the high preist for directions.'
    'Your not in the temple any more.'  Robert says quickly.
    'I go back.'
    'The door is closed.'
    'I open it.'
    'It's locked.'
    At this point I take a deep breath and say very calmly.  'I knock.'
    Robert goes into a narrative.  'An ocolyte in black robes opens the 
door.  "what do you want!" he demands.'  Robbert smiles.  'You're too late.  
The whole temple is evil now.'
    I look at Robert amazed.  What can be going on inside his mind?  
'Robert, I've only been gone five minutes.  Tops.   What are you telling me. 
 That an entire group of evil clerics came in; killed everyone, removed the 
bodies, cleaned up the blood, changed all the carpets and curtains and 
equipment, changed the locks, set up operations, and have someone guarding 
the door.'  I run out of breath at this point.  'All... All.. in the space 
of five minutes!?'
    'Right.'  Says Robert.  I have never seen him look so smug.

    David Michael Grouchy II


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