(TFT) Parenthood Spells/Talents

["Jim Dirmaier" <jdirm@hotmail.com>]

I thought that the subscribers of this list would enjoy the following. It 
was the brain-child (excuse the pun) by a few friends and myself after a 
couple of beers (mandatory). Feel free to add other spells or talents that 
you feel might fit the list. It is long but VERY well worth the read.
Jim-

Spells of Parenthood

IQ 8
	Deafness - Blocks all infant cries within a 3-megahex area. 1 ST.

	Spousal Awakening - Gives caster the ability to roll over and wake up 
spouse at any hour of the night. Costs 1 ST. Roll a reaction roll to see if 
subject holds a grudge in the morning.

IQ 9
	Cleanse Diaper - Eliminates all fecal matter upon casting. Roll 3 vs. ST to 
avoid retching if spell fails. 1 ST to cast

	Speed Movement - A special form of the TFT spell which enables caster to 
keep up with toddler. 2 ST to cast, plus 2 per minute to maintain. (Note: 
this can exhaust caster quickly)

IQ 10
	Image of baby-sitter - Threatening, but disappears if touched. 1 ST to 
cast.

	Amuse Baby - Entertains infant subject for a turn. 1 ST + 1 to sustain. 
CUATION: Roll 3 vs. IQ or suffer temporary -1 to IQ.

IQ 11
	Summon Baby-sitter - Creates 30 point teenage NPC to baby-sit. Spell 
duration: 1 hour with no ST cost, but drains $5/hour. Can be renewed for up 
to 6 hours, but then must recast.

	Babytalk - Subject thinks baby babble is understandable, responding in 
kind. Lasts 4 turns. 1 ST to cast. Strangers react to subject at -3.

	Lactate - Allows subject (male! or female) to provide the bonding 
experience that is normally reserved only for mothers. 3 +1 ST per minute.

IQ12
	Eyes Behind - Allows caster to maintain constant vigil. 3 ST per hour.

	Sleep - Puts subject to sleep (roll 4 vs. DX when casting on infants) Can 
and often MUST be cast on self. 3 ST

IQ 13
	Control Baby - As control person in TFT but caster must roll 5 vs. IQ to 
subdue children under 3. 3 ST.

	Food Glamour - Makes children's food appear palatable. Costs 1 ST for basic 
edibles (e.g. peas, transformed to chocolate chip cookies), 2 ST to conceal 
liver, brussel sprouts, etc.

	Lock/Knock Cabinet - Seals cabinets, outlets, and doors for security around 
the home. As per TFT.

IQ 14
	Coordinate Outfit - Like Glamour. Ability to dress a kid in such a way as 
to avoid future embarrassment from childhood photographs. 10 ST. May be used 
in conjunction with Sears "Winnie the Pooh" collection.

	Summon Teddy Bear - Functions as Pacifier (see magic items). Duration: 1 
hour. 2 ST. Alternate spell: Summon Glass of Water.

IQ 15
	Reverse Question - Throws question back at child. 2 ST + 1 per turn.

	Analyze Teenager - Caster rolls 4 vs. IQ to examine the mind of a subject 
between ages 12 and 18. CAUTION: If the IQ roll is missed, the target might 
shapeshift into a demon! Cost 4 ST.

IQ 16
	Summon Sibling - Calls innocent scapegoat. 5 ST Normally a defensive spell, 
a nastier version exists: Summon Bully gains +2 on persuasion rolls.

	Common Front - Use to coordinate discipline with spouse. Both mother and 
father must successfully cast the spell, which costs each 3 ST. To provide 
refuge in case of failure, it is wise to set up a Pentagram. (Often used 
with "Couch of Last Resort" - see magic items).


IQ 17
	Question Shield - Renders caster impervious to repetitious queries. Does 
not work against Word of Command "WHY?", which only children can learn. 3 ST 
+ 1/turn.

	Detect in-laws - Functions as WARD spell. 5 ST to set up.

IQ 18
	Cleansing - Cast on person, this spell cures the common cold, flu, chicken 
pox, acne, and other childhood ailments. Failure gives the disease to 
caster. 10 ST.

	Clean Room - Lifts dust from surfaces, cleans clutter from floorspace. 
Especially useful in combination with Magic Toy Chest. Cost: 4 ST.

	Stop Time - Preserves memories forever. 6 ST.

IQ 19
	Summon Aunt - Compels caster's sister to drop everything and drop by to 
baby-sit for the weekend. Cost $500, plus airfare. If it fails, see "Detect 
in-laws".

	Protection - A spell of invulnerability, shielding a child from the 
problems of the world for one day. Cost 8 ST.

IQ 20
	Words of Command - As in TFT:    "NO!"    "DON'T!"       "STOP!"

	Summon Mary Poppins - An improved version of "Summon Baby-sitter". This 
spell creates a 50-point character that is Practically Perfect in every way, 
and also uses flight spell. Choose from the list of Parenting Spells and 
Talents. 10 ST. Alternative Necromantic spells: Summon Tollenkar or Send to 
Military School.


Parenting Talents


IQ 8
	Baby Burping (1) - Successful on 3 vs. DX roll. Failure costs 5g.p. for dry 
cleaning.

IQ 9
	Advice Giving (2) - Basic ability to mold and shape a child's character. 
Failure in the use of this talent may mean a permanent -3 on reaction rolls.

IQ 10
	Spousal Appeasement (2) - Like Diplomacy, the ability to resolve simple 
marital/ family arguments on a successful roll of 3 vs. IQ Roll 4 vs. IQ in 
critical situations. 5 vs. IQ if fighting (6, during PMS). -1 to reaction 
rolls if missed.

IQ 11
	Fatherhood I. (2) - Like Monster Followers talent. Prerequisite: Advice 
Giving, as well as: Common Sense, Compassion, Tolerance, Discipline, and 
Understanding.

IQ 12
	Fatherhood II. (2) - Prerequisite: Fatherhood I. Roll 1 die less when 
answering questions. This talent includes the Mechanician talent, for doing 
simple repairs around the home.

IQ 13
	Clemency (3) - Ability to be forgiven. Prerequisite: Spousal Appeasement.

	Fatherhood III. (3) - Prerequisite: Fatherhood II and ST 14. The ability to 
beat up any bully's father. FH3 also gives a limited Spying/"Analyze 
Teenager" ability, Useful for investigating your daughter's boyfriends.

Parenting Magic Items

LESSER MAGICAL ITEMS

· Carpet of Eternal Cleanliness - Cost 500 g.p.- Variations: Bib of 
Repulsion.

· Crib of Containment - A Pentagram variation. Holds babies and demons 
within a 1-Megahex area.

· Rattle of Amusement - An object enchanted with the Amuse Baby spell.

· Pacifier of Silence - As per the Deafness spell. No ST cost.

· Music Box of Lullabies - Characters within 3 megahexes must roll 3 vs. IQ 
or fall asleep for a time equal to 30 minus their ST (minutes).

· Bottomless Bottle of Mild - A mini-cornucopia, specializing in milk. Other 
forms: Never-ending Nursing Bra.

· Toy Chest of Holding - Can store an infinite amount of toys. (also see 
Pandora's box).

· Car Seat of Safety - Costs 1 ST to activate if car is Scandinavian-made. 
Costs 5 ST when used on sportscars.

GREATER MAGICAL ITEMS

· Avert Bully - This amulet takes the form of a lunch box, sharpened pencil, 
or a rabbit's foot. It is a +1 good luck charm when used in the principle's 
office.

· Elmer's Elixer of Bonding - Holds you together for a long day at 
work/school/in the kitchen. (Sold commercially as magical "Hamburger 
Helper".

· Tool Belt of Repairs - Contains items for household maintenance. Powers 
invoked by the magical phrase, "Honey, would you do?". When worn with Pants 
Showing Crack, mechanician talent rolls are enhanced at +1.

· Couch of Last Resort - A pentagram/ultimatum for decision-making, 
activated by spouse and the magic words: "honey, we need to talk?". This 
item occupies 2 hexes and costs 5 ST, due to pain in the neck.

· Hammer Touch Glove - As per TFT this disciplinary item deals with 
unremitting pestilence. It dispels the myth, "Son, this will hut me more 
than it does you." See also: Studded Belt of Persuasion. For puritans only.

· Sheath of Contraception - Many forms. Offers 100% protection and a 
lifetime guarantee. Magical opposite: Shaft of Virility.

· Ring of Uninterrupted Sex - A combination Ward/Avert/Pentagram item that 
affects children and family pets. Can also be used to disconnect phone and 
disable doorbell. Comes cleverly disguised as a wedding band.



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