(TFT) My Dice, My Dice

["John Paul Bakshoian" <shadowhex@hotmail.com>]

Here is the archytpical player who does no wrong, the gamer's gamer who is 
held in awe by player and gamemaster alike.
[with apologies to Stephen Sondheim and his 'A Funny Thing Happened on the 
Way to the Forum]


Scene:  the game has been going for an hour, when HE enters.

My Dice, My Dice, I've come to claim my dice.
Come tenderly to crush them against me thrice.

Let haste be made, I cannot be delayed.
There are lands to conquer, cities to loot and peoples to degrade.

{from the other gamers - Look at that arm, look at that chest, not to 
mention the rest...}
{from HIM - Even I am impressed!}

My Dice, My Dice, Come bring to me my dice.
My lust for it can no longer be held suffice.
Convey the news, I have no time to lose.
There are towns to plunder, temples to burn, and women to abuse.

{from the other gamers - Look at that foot, look at that heel, what 
magnificent muscles of steel...}
{from HIM - I am my ideal!}

I, MELEE GLORIOSUS.  I, slaughterer of thousands.
I, oppresser of the meek, subdoer of the weak, degrader of the Greek,
   destroyer of the Turk, must hurry back to work.

I, MELEE GLORIOSUS.  I, paragon of virtue.
I, in war, the most admired; in wit, the most inspired; in love,
   the most desired; in dress the best displayed... I am a Parade!

{from the other gamers - Look at those eyes, cunning and sheen, look at the 
size of those thighs like a mighty machine...}
{from the gamemaster - Those are the mightiest thighs I ever have seen.}

My Dice, My Dice.  Before my lucky dice.
The gates of the village are open wide.
Make haste, make haste.  I have no time to waste.

There are shrines I should be sacking,
Ribs I should be cracking,
Eyes to gouge and the gods to entice....

BRING ME MY DICE!!!

Melee Gloriosus will be coming to a game near you.


John Paul





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